As I entered the third trimester of my second pregnancy, the fear kicked in.
There are some positives to having given birth before, but also some negatives. I mean, you know what is about to happen! If you had a traumatic first birth, then those images haunt you once more and you can only assume that the same, or worse, is going to happen to you again.
I decided to try and change my mentality by joining The Bump to Baby Chapter.
It was the best thing I could have done. For someone so anxious and fearful, somehow, the little teaching videos and supportive Facebook group completely changed my perspective.
The knowledge I gained from the course gave me what I needed to feel more in control. The course taught me that, even in the most out of control scenarios, there is still a way to take ownership of it. It was exactly what I needed.
After a few weeks I went from being petrified of giving birth again, to eagerly awaiting it.
I watched all the videos and made a note of the ones I wanted to watch with my husband. In the end he ended up watching most of them. He expressed that he felt so clueless during the birth of our first son, so learning about birth made him feel more secure and like his voice was going to matter in the delivery room. This meant a lot to me. Having that shared knowledge meant that I felt safe with him too.
I did all the activities set, and really worked on generating my oxytocin. My husband was chuffed to find out he was my main source of the good stuff.
Before going to hospital, I was able to set up my home-labouring room and I felt powerful. I never thought I would feel that way.
My playlist followed me every step of the way and became my focus. My husband sang along, which helped warm my atmosphere and even when things took an unexpected turn, I never felt lost. During my first labour I was everywhere but in the moment. But this time, I was present, and I got through it.
I did cry, and swear, and moo, but that’s OK. I don’t pretend to be a birth goddess.
But, once the storm had passed, I held my baby boy in my arms and felt immensely proud. We did it.
I am so thankful to The Bump to Baby Chapter, and to all the mummas in the Facebook group who helped me through pregnancy and labour. Lockdown was a lonely time for everyone but having that line of contact helped me a great deal.
If you, like me, are anxious and fearful of giving birth, then seek out the knowledge and the support. It is there. Knowledge is power, and all labouring mothers deserve to feel powerful.