Unexpected Postpartum Problems

I had a few weird things happen to me postpartum, but those were on top of the standard awfulness that ARE expected i.e: Having to sit on a kid’s rubber ring for a week because ALL THE BITS HURT! I also used frozen aloe vera covered mat-pads, which felt like a very cold, very soothing hug in my knick knacks.

Dear Husband

I love that we are making humans so that they can go and live whatever happiness they want.

No More Jobs

Now, I am continuously washing up. I don’t understand it. There is a constant stream of filthy plates, bowls, highchair trays, cutlery, cups, lunch boxes, pots, pans, THE BLOODY CHEESE GRATER, and it is never ending.

5 Benefits of Reading to Your Baby

I would save reading time for the night feeds so that I had some wonder to look forward to at 4am. He’d stir, I’d groan, I’d make his bottle with one eye open and a frown, and then I’d remember…. Harry’s about to visit Diagon Alley for the first time, and I’d be thrilled to be awake.

Christmas Fail #3

I saw the real damage. It was like something from Trainspotting. I decided I didn’t want to do it. No, sir. Not for me. I’ll pass on that gag-worthy atrocity if I can get away with it.

Christmas Fail #2

For a small village, there was huge amount of people. My family are quite a mob of madness when we’re all together, so sticking us in the middle of a bustling scene must create quite the cacophony for little ears.

Christmas Fail #1

His hat wasn’t covering his ears properly. He wanted his blue coat, not his green coat. He couldn’t walk. He wanted Nanny to walk in front not behind. He wanted me to carry him, but I was breathing too loudly etc etc etc.

A Forceps Delivery

He looked at me and said, ‘Now, tell me why you don’t want a forceps delivery?’ and my mind went blank. Why didn’t I want a forceps delivery? I mean, ideally, I didn’t want a delivery. I just wanted a baby to appear with no need for excruciating pain or everlasting bodily damage.

The First Day of Preschool

You’re so little with your huge backpack almost tipping you backwards and your little footsteps that barely get you anywhere. I know you’re little. But you think you’re as tall as the sky, and that’s all that matters.